“The quality of the parent-child relationship greatly influences the child’s emotional and social development.”—Mary Ainsworth
Our relationship with our families lay the foundation for all other relationships throughout life. A child’s first relationship is with their parents, and it is through that relationship that children learn what a relationship even is. This is why…. how a parent parents matters—this is how generational patterns are repeated. How children relate to their parents will play a role in how they relate to everyone else and the world.
Parenting is an extremely hard and a never-ending job. As a parent, you are always on duty. It is an on-the-job-training-program. Parents do the best that they can with what they know. So, how do you know if your parenting practices falls on the low-quality end or the high-quality end of parenting?
You don’t always know.
Why?
Because all parents are doing the best that they can. No parent wakes up every day and says, “I am going to be the worst parent I can be today.” In most parent's heart of hearts, they are doing the best that they can. However, parents practicing high-quality parenting is definitely intentional about their actions and that can make all of the difference in the world.
According to research conducted by Penn State University, high-quality parenting practices during adolescence sets the foundation for close parent-child relationships when adolescents become young adults. Please be mindful that whatever is not resolved by the end of the teenaged years will carry over into adulthood. With that said, what does high-quality parenting practices look like? Here are some examples—providing guidance in a loving, affectionate way, encouraging, nurturing, makes time for their children, good role models, consistent with discipline, set limits, boost child’s self-esteem, communicates effectively, seek parental education or trainings, have an ability to manage their own emotions, teaches responsibility, provide child with new experiences, has patience, and a positive attitude. And have a willingness to be a better mom—by improving YOUR own qualities as a person.
As a parent, it is important to always be aware of how your actions impact your child’s life. The more aware you are about what kind of parent you are becoming (or not) for your child, the better equipped you will be to change things for the better, if necessary. This awareness will also help you understand yourself better as a person and as a parent so that any gaps in your parenting skills can be filled up with quality information or resources that will help improve both yourself as well as your relationship with your children.As parents, we must understand that these skills are not innate in us; they must be learned through practice and experience. If you want better results as a parent, then do something different from what you’ve been doing all along.
High-quality parenting practices have been found to have numerous benefits for adolescents. A study conducted by the University of Michigan revealed that high-quality parenting practices may be associated with better mental health among teens, including lower rates of depression and anxiety. Another study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that adolescents who had parents who reported high-quality interactions were less likely to experiment with drugs or alcohol than those whose parents reported lower quality interactions. These benefits can also extend into adulthood, as another study found that adolescents who reported higher-quality parent-child relationships were more likely to engage in helping behavior toward others as adults than those who did not report such relationships.
High-quality parenting practices can benefit your teen in numerous ways. The following are some of the benefits of high-quality parenting practices and what it does for teens—better mental health, higher self-esteem, potential of keeping teens from experimenting with drugs and alcohol, improved emotional well-being and physical health, higher self-worth, and trust.
High-quality parenting promotes good mental health. When parents practice high quality parenting, they are able to help their children develop healthy relationships and manage their emotions. High-quality parenting also helps teens develop key life skills such as coping mechanism in order to manage emotions, improves teens future relationships and gives them a sense of belongingness. Teens who receive high-quality parenting are also more willing to go to their parents with their problems and concerns.
Take a moment to reflect on these questions:
1) List what your high qualities are as a parent and the role it is playing in your relationship with your teen daughter?
2) How are your qualities helping to shape who your daughter is becoming?
3) What high-quality parenting practices do you believe you need to adopt or improve?
After you have completed this reflection, share in our private facebook group: Mother’s Raising Black Teen Girls, what insight you gained as a result of completing the reflection and reading this blog article.
P.S. I challenge you to hug and kiss your teen daughter for the next 10-days, if you do not already do so. You’ll be surprised by the lasting impact of a hug and kiss each day.
